I don’t think I have ‘The EGO’. I have almost never ‘egonized’, but I cared about my opinionated self. Until my first week in Harrow. Mission: ‘You need to feel rubbish in order to build a better version of you’.

Procedure: drag your huge-sensitive ego into a small, narrow room grounded with questions of ‘what’s the story?’ coming from a ‘wow’ journalist, torture it with the most stupid answers possible, crush it with a ‘I am not that sure you got it’ and then kick his ass with disappointment and disgrace. You’re no good, you sham! So, here’s your bullied ego of your self-sufficiency and sensitive, braggin’ character. Now, deal with the unplugged yourself.

  • No embroidery.
  • No ‘I know so, because I am cool’.
  • No background childish music of your ‘things-should-happen-to-good-people’ thought.
  • No synthetic sounds of your comfortable reputation. Simply a ‘you’ unplugged version.
  • Now, sing, without back vocalists of friends, colleagues, diplomas, awards. Just the ‘plain me’.
  • No outside noises or any known paths.

You only have confidence in your inner GPS. He sends you signals whenever you derail. Route recalculated! He’s got a sensitive mechanism of measuring your thoughts, wishes, answers, questions, fears. This time I only had this instinctual GPS to follow. My naked-ego couldn’t dress up in smart clothes or lines. Just follow the damn instructions, the ones you never heard before. Because you needn’t.

Rubbish NOT

Rubbish-ego puts his shabby armour and starts of thinking that problems are actually opportunities. To learn a language or coding. For uncertainty he had no other option than defeat it with courage. Wanna scream for help? Well, too bad! No echo-effect of your unplugged version. It’s just you, so you should sing the best. High notes! Here we go. Tricky becomes the new easy and learning the new lust. Step by step, the rubbish-ego starts singing. It’s getting better.

The new unplugged-ego needs no effects, no backing vocals, no synthetic sounds, no distortions and can’t afford a new recording. Confidence is now rubbing the rubbish-ego. I said rubbish? Well, I am now on top of rubbish. And plan to stay there.

You still hear the awl warble underneath and can look above at talented unplugged egos.

As a friend would say: from zero to hero. From Rubbish to Rubbing. EGOnizing Mission to be accomplished.


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